Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

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Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

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Reach out to loved ones who can understand your situation and provide objective insight and guidance. A parent’s love for their child should always be stronger than their hate for the ex or their new spouse. When your ex sends you a text that is strictly designed to taunt you, all you might want to do is rage text right back, amirite?

Co-parenting after a failed relationship is rarely easy, and the process can become exponentially more complicated when your ex happens to be a toxic individual. L. Baker, PhD, is a national expert on children caught in loyalty conflicts and has written a seminal book on the topic, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, a professional book published by WW Norton.We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. If this is something you and your ex can manage to do, it is an advisable move to better your situation. Ideally, all family members should be involved, but if that’s not possible, a group meeting should be arranged to get everyone on the same page. It is crucial to include language in the judgment or agreement that explicitly prohibits both parents from engaging in any form of negative talk or disparaging remarks about the other parent.

Don’t make them feel like they have to choose or try to diminish the love and respect they have for their parents.During times of conflict before, after, or as a divorce is going on, it’s not a bad idea to seek a mental health professional’s guidance.

In the fallout of a messy divorce, some parents can’t summon the will to be cordial to their ex, and it only leads to problems. It means consistently choosing actions and decisions that prioritize your children’s emotional well-being above all else. However, amidst the difficulties, there is a fundamental truth that should guide your actions: the well-being of your children must always be the top priority. In this article, we aim to support you in navigating this challenging situation by providing practical strategies and guidelines. Additionally, this ensures that everything your ex says to you is recorded and can be revisited if needed.When the kids are old enough, make it their responsibility to gather the things they’ll need as they transfer houses or create lists they can work from when they’re packing up to transition. There might be some acrimonious feelings between you and your ex now, but that doesn’t mean that your kids have to be a part of the tug-of-war. It’s not “nice” to give in to things or “mean” to hold your boundaries (despite what your toxic ex says). Use stress management tools like meditation and other techniques a counselor can teach you so that it doesn’t impact you as much.

You don’t need to like your ex, but if you’d still like them to be a part of your children’s lives, it may be necessary to lead by example. A therapist who specializes in post-separation abuse, psychological abuse, and parallel parenting can help you with receiving individual support. Avoid bashing or bad mouthing your ex; even if your words are true, they can make you look vindictive and put your child in the middle of conflict. It’s easy to let your emotions get the best of you when disciplining your kids, which can sometimes lead you to say things you did not mean in the heat of the moment.

Unfortunately, this sometimes means that you will have to ignore or disengage from your ex’s antics and attempts to create chaos.

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